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Please coment,
Swan.

Hi, I wanted to comment on your last post but I know I never check my previous posts for comments.
I wanted to let you know that I've been through similar things, and it really does suck. But you're not alone; abuse is a whole lot more common than people think. And I would completely disown my family, too, if I didn't think it would come back to bite me in the bum later.
Ok bye. :-)

I'd give you advice if you wanted it, but honestly, I think you know what you have to do. I'm here for you for whatever you decide the best course of action is and I'll even bring the truck.

The situation totally sucks. I can't claim to understand what you're going through, but I do know that it pains me to see someone I care so much about in so much pain because of this. ANYTHING you need you let me know. That's about the best I have to offer hon.

Take care,

Jer

Peter....

You need to call me, cuz i said so...502-4853....like soon!  love you.  Tink :)

Eeek.

Sounds like my life lately. It sucks having on clue why you're so sad and feeling like there isn't jack sh*t you can do about it. Trust me, I know. Wish I had an answer for ya...

If you need anything, you know the drill.

Love, Jer

Despite contrary belief, some people do actually care about you, want to hear from you, and want to be there for you. I love ya Jac, and will always be there for you, you just have to call.

I'm worried about you.

I'm tired of everything and everyone. I don't want to do anything with anyone. I want to disappear from EVERYONE for a while<<<<this is what i want to do

great minds think alike lol

frustrating, huh?

remember: you must love a person for WHO THEY ARE not WHO THEY CAN BE

Think about it, how many times have you decided this? How many times have you TRIED, and things perk up for like a week, and then nothing happens? Every couple of months for 3 years sound right? Hun, you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. That’s the problem. I’m not saying “break up with him, he’s a loser...” or anything like that.... but... maybe you should stop trying to change him and let him be who he his (and I’m not defending him either), somewhere else. Hear me out. The one solution I can think of is to kick him out. This will be beneficial in many ways. When you two had the big fight last month, you gave him an out, but he didn’t take it, remember? He couldn’t even stand to be away from you for one night. Maybe a week or month or even a few months will help clear his head... especially away from a free computer and free cable and free hot tub and free PS2 and free food and free rent and free house that’s freakin’ awesome. The best advice that I can give you is to take these things away. Talking can only get you so far. He has to want to do these things for himself, and as long as he has you to provide them (and you always will, as much as you hate it...admit it) he won’t want to, that’s just the way he is.... he’s like a 2 year old, he tested you and you gave in... now he knows that when you get on his back all he has to do is talk about wanting better and you cool down. And when he feels you’re about to get that way, he bitches about it on your behalf to save you the trouble. In other words: CUT HIM OFF!! However you want to do that or carry that out, you know that I am here to support you. I honestly think that it’ll make you guys stronger in the long run. Distance makes the heart grow fonder... and you guys can go back to dating again, sneaking out for each other... stuff like that... all I know is that you have to do something drastic that will take effort and a lot of changes to reverse... talking can only get you so far, as you’ve probably noticed... DO SOMETHING

Love, me

[]

Hey there,

You don't know me but I felt compelled to comment on your entry.  You have alot of compassion and love for him.  I hope that he notices that.  It sounds like you're willing to put alot into this relationship.  I just wanted to say, don't be down on yourself if his patterns don't change, because ultimately it's his choice to do so.  He has to be the one who is willing to change his lifestyle.  If he's not willing to do that, then nothing you say or do is going to matter and you could end up feeling like you're beating your head on a brick wall.  It does sound like he's willing to work on some things.  Just take it a day at a time...  he might have some setbacks every now and then...  but the best thing in the whole world you can do for him is to think positive and take good care of yourself first.  If you don't take care of yourself first, you can't take care of someone else.  Also, I agree with the other comment...  try not to force him to eat two meals right away...  start with one full meal... (something healthy, not junk)  He might have to get used to that first... or even a few small snacks throughout the day....It might make him sick to eat too much if he's not used to it so try to start out slow.    On top of that, if you start slow he will be less likely to have a relapse.  I'm not a Dr. but I went through what he's going through a few years back... and that was what helped me.  Take care ... and best of luck to you.

Wow I just caught the last four posts in the same day so it gives some serious retrospect on the whole issue.

Can Mike change? You know this better than anyone else because you've been with him for 3+ years. You know where he was when you met him and where he is now. Honestly, you're probably better qualified to answer that question than anyone else. I have an opinion on this, but it's rather irrelevant and besides, I have an opinion on everything. ;)

The money issue is kinda weird but I can sort of relate, at least to your side of things. I made twice [or more] as much as Lisa when we were married and at some points, I was the only one with a job while she was trying to find something. I felt your frustration of "why can't he get a better job" because I had the same with her. I spent all the money I made trying to support the lifestyle she wanted and simply didn't have enough income to do that. There's really not anything you can do about it either which is the part that sucks. If he's gonna get a new job, he's gonna do it on his own time. We both know what pushing has done as far as that goes. I'm just glad his current job seems to give him ~40 hours a week, it's a step up from the previous one, albeit small.

GED is another issue I can agree with you on. Lisa didn't have one. I tried to get her to go get it because it wouldn't have been that hard for her. She was smart and could easily do it. Hell her mom is a teacher so I'm surprised her mom didn't make her do it. Because of that, she ran into some of the same employment issues Mike is having. I'm much like you, I graduated high school and have some college under my belt. I can totally feel ya on that issue and it is a very important issue. The GED, from what I've been told, is not that hard yet it is required for most any job you apply for, at least any job that pays more than $6 an hour. Even if it isn't listed as required, it's a huge negative on your app if you don't have it.

The problems you have with him are kinda ironic in a way because I had a lot of the exact same problems [even the sex one!] with Lisa. EXACT SAME. Creepy.

Either way, sounds like things are worked out at least for now. Glad that you two didn't break up because I know he means more to you than just about anything else in the world short of your father.

We need to get out sometime.

- Jer

[]

Holy sh*t. I need to keep up on your diary better and/or talk to you more. I didn't know any of this. OMG. If you need *anything* you know you can call anytime.

- Jer

I heart you, Jac.

Hope to see you soon.

Logen

you deserve better.  and one thing you should know right now: you can't change a person.  no matter how much better you think a person can be, you can't make them want better for themselves, much less make them want to do what it takes to take the steps necessary to make the improvements.

most people are much more comfortable just bitching about their poor situation rather than actually doing something about it.  and they'll never change...

what they will do is bring you down with them.  you won't even realize it's happening until you're already in the same rut.

you are better.  go for better.

Dump him girl. He was being honest, totally honest- and he is not changing. He doesn't want to hurt you- that's all. Don't remain with someone like him, because you need to experience the real thing and not his lies about loving you.

I am like him- trust me he won't change. But- I am not going to lie anymore and this means my 16 year marriage is gone, but anything else would be unfair, just like he's being unfair to you.

Turn your back on him and never look back.

He isn't changing- his feelings will only progress and then he'll change from pitying you to resenting you.

Run run run run run run!!!!!!

[PsychoticWriterInk]

Hi Cinderella,

I am Krissinda and I found your diary by putting cinderella sindrome into a yahoo search. I feel for you. I read your entry and I'm guessing your about 18...am I totally off? I am 36 and I am happily married to a great guy. they do exist but he is my second husband. we are thinking of having a baby together. anyway....you are a great writer. I feel for you in your situation and I hope it works out for you. Prayer always helps me. I do find answers to my problems and my complex mind starts to figure things out when I turn to God. I have had my own cinderella experience but it's a long story. well, bye for now

Krissinda

hey sav, its me: jill!!!

I know it obviously been a long time since you made this last entry I´m commenting on but I hope you´ll read this some time anyway. woa, its been 5 (!) years, do you know that? and by the way: happy easter! how are you? I´d so much love to hear from you. I don´t have your email address, so this is the only way I can hope to make contact. do you have mine? don´t wanna post it here, never know, got tons of spam already :-(

ever see jeremy? if so: please say hi.

I miss you and hope we can meet some time!!!!